Last night

My favorite cousin and I met for dinner last night. It'd been a while since just the two of us had been able to get together, just to chat and catch up. Apparently we had a lot to catch up on - we sat there chatting for over four hours! So much had been going on in the last six months for us both, that even though we'd been seeing each other pretty regularly, we hadn't had a chance to just talk.

So that's what I'm loving on this Thursday. My Thursday love is for finally catching up on things I should have been there for all along....

The Moment When I Lost My Mind

I walked out of the gym today and it was snowing. It's still snowing, but that's a bit of a digression. I walked out of the gym today and thought, "Hmmm. It feels a lot warmer out here today."

Did you hear me? IT FEELS A LOT WARMER OUT TODAY. HA HA HA


The temperature today? It's -18 C with a wind-chill factor of -30 C.


Seriously. I'm insane. Take me away, it's time to lock me up. (Can I pick an insane asylum in Mexico? Please?)

Ponies is reading....

So I added some links to my site today. These are some of the sites that I read and enjoy everyday and are all sites that have inspired me to try this myself. I admire these women, their writing and their honesty. I hope one day to be comfortable enough in myself and my writing to be as open and honest as they are.

I'm not sure what the protocol is to linking other peoples blogs or if it's OK that I've just linked them up. If anyone is unhappy that I've linked them and would like me to remove their link, please leave me a comment and I'll remove it ASAP.

The Blahs

I'm reluctant to write about anything too personal on here. I am an intensely private person and there is nothing that makes me more uncomfortable or embarrassed than to have other people know when I am unhappy or stressed or dealing with a problem in my life. I like to present a happy, content front to the world. I like to look strong. I'm not strong. I'm not strong at all.

There are some things going on right now that are making me feel so stressed and so weak on a daily basis. I don't know how to handle it, I don't know what to do and I certainly can't go out and talk to someone about it. I like to keep my life and my problems to myself.

However, this particular problem, one that has reared it's ugly head more than once in the past, is back again. Of course it's W. and back then, it was a upsetting to me, but in the grand scheme of things, not a deal breaker. I guess I should have forced the issue back then.

Even after everything he went through this summer with his health, he's back doing what I'm certain caused the whole problem. I love him too much to leave him now, and he knows it. So instead of quitting for my sake, or for his health's sake, or even for the sake of the family that we hope to have one day, he carries on. With that, comes the lying.

So not only do I have to worry about his health, I can't trust him, I don't believe anything he says and it's a horrible way to live.

It's starting to affect my whole life. I feel sad all the time, I feel stressed all the time, and I don't really know how to fix of it.

I don't think I'm going to make it

I think I have to post five times today. I'm pretty sure that unless I find some pretty prolific inspiration in the next, oh, five minutes or so, I'm probably not going to make the 30 posts this month that I promised myself that I would. I have 11 posts left and 3 days to do it in.

I guess maybe I should have gotten my haircut last week, instead of tomorrow, so that I could spend time writing posts, instead of obsessing over my split ends.

I can't feel my fingers

So there is four days left in November and I have only done 18 posts. That leaves me with 12 more to do. That's 3 per day. Ha Ha Ha Ha.

And now I must go outside in the hateful cold to the hateful gym. Blech. If I hadn't eaten chocolate chip coffee cake for breakfast, I would likely skip it so as to not have to venture outside into the MINUS FREAKING 28 WITH THE WIND CHILL cold cold cold cold cold. Hate Hate Hate Hate. Did I mention the hate? and the wind? and the cold? Oh, and the cold?

Hey! It's Thursday...

And we all know that Thursday is for love. So today my love is for Christmas! There is nothing that makes me happier than when Christmas rolls around. Oh, I know it's stressful with all the rushing and the people and the buying and everything. But it just all seems to go away when I see a Christmas Tree, or some Christmas lights, or even hear a Christmas song.

It's an automatic smile on my face when I drive by a house that someone has lit up and decorated. I love wandering through the aisles of Christmas decorations, and it's ALL I can do to wait until December to dress my house in all it's Christmassy glory.

I must admit, this year I didn't make it :) I've had lights up outside since the beginning of the month, and the decorations inside are going up THIS WEEKEND! WOO! I'll wait for my tree for a couple more weeks though... I always have a real tree, the artificial ones just aren't the same.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!

Woe is Me and Stupid Boy

I'm having a hard time concentrating on anything today. I had hockey out of town last night and didn't climb into bed until after midnight. I knew I wasn't going to sleep anyways, but W.'s trip from hell to work last night didn't help any. Poor guy was stuck on the highway for almost 5 hours because of an accident in front of him, and because the road crews couldn't get it together to get some gravel down, or the snow plowed or anything. So, once he got out of there and was kind of able to turn around, rather than driving back and going the other way, he decided to take some old logging roads and hope that he came out at work. So it's the middle of the night, his cell phone is dead and he's driving around the snowy bush in his CAR. I was worried to say the least. He didn't make it to work until almost 2 am. That's when I finally go to relax and go to sleep. And that made getting up at 6:30 am pretty darn hard. I've been head achy and tired all day, and there's more hockey watching tonight, so I don't even get to don the comfy pants and hop in the recliner for the evening. Poor Me.

Back in the day

I used to be a writer. Not really a published writer for the most part, but a rather prolific writer. I used to be good at it. I filled books and binders with my stories. Most of them were made up or my teenage wishful thinking of all the fun and exciting things that should be happening to me and weren't.

I don't write anymore. I don't know what happened to it. I've had about 5 years of serious writers block. Every Christmas I enter in a Christmas Story Contest in the local newspaper, and I've done well a few times. But that's it. That's all the writing that I do anymore and I miss it.

I used to have ongoing sagas in my mind about made up people. They were my escape more than TV or movies. I made my own, and I could lose myself in them. I didn't realize it back then, but those were the novels I should have been writing. Those stories aren't there anymore.

I guess that's what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to get that back. I want to write again.

"Tis the Season to be Jolly...

Fa La La La La, La La La La....

Is Christmas really only a month and a bit away? It's hard to believe it's coming around already. I mean, I know it's coming, and I've even done some Christmassy things. I've bought a few gifts, done a little decorating, gone out to some Christmassy events. But really, I think, if I counted right, it's only 33 days away!

Of that 33 days I have 12 days that I have hockey, 10 days that W. has hockey, 7 days where we have to go watch hockey. Obviously, some of those all fall on the same day, but seriously, 27 hockey games in the next 33 days? WHEN AM I GOING TO GET READY FOR CHRISTMAS???? No really, when?

I have 14 people still left to buy Christmas gifts for, a Christmas movie night to plan, baking to do, decorating to get done, Christmas trees to cut down. Not to mention that we still haven't finished unpacking the new house.

Woo-ee, December is going be one fun month. Good thing I just made a new batch of wine. I think I'm going to need it.

I wish I was there

Today I'm missing my horses. I was just looking at the pictures I have of them all around my computer and wishing that I was out there with them instead of in here. I love them at this time of year when they are all furry and fat. There's nothing more soothing in this world than when you stand in the crisp almost-winter air, with four horses breathing their sweet, hay scented breath at you. This is when they are best, when their funny personalities show, and they jostle around and beg for your attention.

Our four are so distinct too. The old chestnut mare, reserved and a bit standoffish, but she won't let you forget to give her some special attention too. Then there's our pushy little girl. In your face, graceful and beautiful... just like a teenager - look at me! Look at me! She should be at the awkward yearling stage, but this one hasn't had an awkward moment in her life. And our sweet, low man in the herd gelding. He's big and furry and just wants you to love him. He's just like a big teddy bear. Last and best, my big black, bossy man. He's never had a moment in his life where he hasn't known he was best. He's a star and I think he knows it. He has his sweet side too, when he snuffles your hair and put his head on your shoulder.

You never have these moments when you're focused on working and getting ready for showing. That's when they are all glossy and shiny and perfect and you're proud of their talent and their abilities and how hard they work for you.

But now, now is the time you love them just for being horses.

Goin' home stupid

So just before lunch today I rubbed my eye. Then I headed out to my car, with the good intentions of going to the gym (remember get healthy month... it's going well thus far). Anyways, my eye felt kind of weird, so I thought to myself, I will put some drops in it once i get to the car. So I hop in, pull down the mirror and stare. The inside corner of my left eye is bright freaking red. I don't know what I did, but now it feels weird, and hurts a little, and it looks TERRIBLE. So I headed off and made an appointment at the walk in clinic to make sure I haven't permanently damaged myself. I am now sitting at my desk, eating my lunch and wearing my sunglasses.

So yeah, I should be going home stupid today.....

Woes

So this being a homeowner business is darn hard on the bank account. Ouchie, says my bank account. W. is not going to be very happy when we don't get to do ANYTHING for the whole rest of the winter because of the distinct lack of money. We really need to get rid of some bills so that we can at least have a bit of extra spending money. After Christmas, we'll be doing some serious bill-paying-off. There won't be choice in THAT matter, that's for sure. I'm going to be getting rid of at least two bills right quick. Even if it means being completely broke for a few months. That'll be an extra 300.00 in our bank accounts every month, that can go right back on some other bills.

Oh, I hate money. Hate it hate it hate it. We make a good living between us, we just need to get that pesky spending under control. I really want to do some horse shows this year and hit OKC in October. Then I guess it might be baby time. Ack. But if we're going to do it, I guess we have to do it soon. We're getting old....

Is it too early for a glass of wine?

Sorry! Goal! Road Trip!

So I realize that I've completely screwed up this post a day business, so rather than coming on here every second or third day to apologize to myself (because who are we kidding here, there are no readers), I'm just going to make my goal 30 posts for November. That way when the weekends get away from me, I can just do two posts during the week. Ok, that's out of the way now.

So I scored my first goal in two years on Sunday! Yay for me! It was a nice one too. A pass, which I actually got on my stick and kept it there, and the shot! It didn't come off the ice, but it beat the goalie on the glove side low, hit the inside of the post, and was actually hard enough to spin around the net and hit the other post before it came out. A real shot! A real goal! I was pretty excited. Unfortunately the scorekeepers screwed up and gave it to a player who wasn't even playing that day, but that's ok. I know it was mine.

I also got invited to go to Seattle for an exhibition series. I'm a little scared about going. I'll be the most beginning player there, and I wasn't in the first round of invites, but I was invited, which means I must be fun enough, and a decent enough player to rate. I'm not sure I'll be able to keep up on the "Fun" part of the weekend, I'll be the shy girl in the corner as usual.

I know on the hockey end of things, if I work hard and don't wimp out, I'll do ok.

Have you ever....

I borrowed this from Kiwords (This is the first time I've tried to link to another blog... I can't make it work, I'm sorry...)

All of the things that I have done... I hope that I am kind of interesting...

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain.
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone.
08. Said “I love you and meant it!
09. Hugged a tree. In Mexico... it was a magical tree of some sort
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game I saw the Blazers win the Memorial Cup at home!!!
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables.
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon.
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Drunk champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster I rode my first roller coaster this year in Las Vegas. It scared the life out of me.
35. Scored a winning goal
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day How about a whole new personality - name and everything - for a night. It does help if you let all your friends know that a couple of you are doing this, but hey...
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment I feel very happy about my life most of the time...
39. Visited all 5 continents
40. Taken care of someone who was drunk
41. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
42. Watched wild whales
43. Stolen a sign
44. Backpacked
45. Taken a road-trip
46. Gone rock climbing
48. Midnight walk on the beach
49. Gone sky diving
50. Taken a train through Europe
51. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love.
52. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table, and had a meal with them
53. Milked a cow
54. Alphabetized your CDs
55. Sung karaoke
56. Lounged around in bed all day.
57. Gone scuba diving
58. Kissed in the rain
59. Gone to a drive-in theatre
60. Started a business
61. Taken a martial arts class
62. Been in a movie
63. Crashed a party
Edited!! 64. Gone without food for 5 days When I was little, I had a bad bout with appendicits/peritonitis and I didn't eat for over a week. I think I almost died.
65. Gotten a tattoo
66. Got flowers for no reason
67. Performed on stage
68. Been to Las Vegas
69. Recorded music
70. Eaten shark
71. Buried one/both of your parents.
72. Been on a cruise ship
73. Spoken more than one language fluently
74. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
75. Walked a famous bridge. I've walked the real London Bridge
76. Had plastic surgery - Does it count if it's on your toe?
77. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived.
78. Wrote articles for a large publication
77. Tried to lose weight seriously.
79. Piloted an airplane
80. Petted a stingray
81. Broken someone’s heart
82. Broken a bone I actually haven't broken a bone, but I have a few hairline fractures... Apprently riding horses and rollerblading are not safe activities...
83. Eaten sushi Unfortunately
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Parasailed
86. Skipped all your school reunions
87. Shaved your head
88. Caused a car accident
89. Pretended to be “sick”
90. Swam in the Pacific Ocean
91. Saved someone’s life.
92. Fainted so many times I can't even count them all
93. Been in the room while someone is giving birth
94. Hitchhiked
95. Adopted a child.
96. Been caught daydreaming
97. Been to the Painted Desert
98. Called off a wedding engagement
99. Donated your blood.
100. Become a follower of Jesus Christ

So, it looks like I might be just a little bit interesting after all

Let's call today Wednesday

So it looks like we have a new kitten. I don't think we're going to call her Mittens anymore though. It's too close to one of the big guys nicknames and I don't want to steal it from him. Yes, I'm having cat guilt. I feel bad for him. He's been the one and only for so long and now there's going to be competition. I hope that I can transition the new kitten into the house with a minimum of stress on him. It's going to be hard, but I guess I'm going to start tonight. We haven't even had one call or anything about the poor little girl. I don't know what else I can do. Someone is missing their kitten.

On a different note... last night was a super fantabulous whooping of a hockey game. It's been years since we've seen a game like that. My hands hurt from the clapping and my voice was croaky from all the cheering. Just like the old days. Many goals, fights, crazy opposing players. It was awsome. It's a good time to be a fan again :)

Bet you thought I wasn't coming back...

But here I am!!!

No luck on finding Miss Mittens' home yet. I toured her around to a couple of vet clinics at lunch time and she doesn't have a chip or a tattoo, and no one has recognized her yet. I called the radio stations and put ads in the paper, and I'm making a poster, so maybe I will find her people yet.

I would be so sad if it was my kitty who was missing and the people who found her didn't make the most effort to get him home to me. I feel a little teary just thinking about it.

She's really sweet, and if it comes down to it, I wouldn't mind keeping her, but I'm worried about how it will affect the big guy. He's pretty sensitive and I don't want him to think that we don't love him anymore.

Wish me luck! Hopefully we can find Miss Mittens' way home!!!

So I'm A Liar (plus! New Kitten!)

A big fat liar. I didn't even get two extra posts done yesterday, so I'm retracting what I said. The first post (yeah, the one that didn't count?), it counts now. So that was Saturday. The next one, that was Sunday.* This one here - this is Monday. Later will come Tuesday and we'll be all back to good.

So we have an adopt-a-kitten living in our garage right now. I want to keep her forever and ever and she can be mine and I will love her. I've named her Mittens and she is adorable!!! However, she is stressing out the big guy and she's not even been in the house yet. I keep telling him that I love him best, but I don't think he beleives me.

She's so cute though. She's little and black and white and has four white socks. She's very sweet and friendly and wants to sit in your lap and climb on you and rub on you. I'm trying very hard to find her owner, because she is obviously well loved, but I'm afraid that she was lost (or dumped) from a travelling vehicle. I'm taking her to the vet at lunch to see if she has a chip, in case she's from far away. I want to find her home, because I know if it was me, I would be devatstated to lose my kitty, but at the same time, in the back of my mind, I want to keep her.

*Shush. I know it's called "Hi, It's Saturday" but whatever. It works for me.

Hi, It`s Saturday!!!!

So November, for me, is going to be `Get in Shape` month for me. I know. How boring, you`re thinking. But I need to write it down so that I actually pay attention to myself and get a move on. Literally.

Sunday is the big start day. I don`t know why it`s so hard to start something like this mid-week, but it is. So Sunday`s the big day. I have a hockey game, so that`ll get me out of the house and doing some exercise.

Monday, I`ll do a big grocery shop for lots of healthy veggies and fruit, and make myself stop eating things like tacos and chicken nuggets. Blech. Also, back to the gym, and getting myself and W. out walking in the evening.

It all starts Sunday. So wish me luck. I don`t want to look like a big fat blob in the Christmas pictures....

Um, Ooops

I forgot. I forgot all about this darn site all weekend. I didn`t update on Saturday or Sunday and I am slapping my own hand for it.

Today, I will post three times to make up for my horrible lack of weekend posting. This post, my grovelling, so sorry, I am a forgetful moron post, doesn`t count.

SNOW!

It snowed yesterday!!! The first snow of the year... my favorite. It started in the morning around 11 and carried on all day until dinner time.

Unfortunately, it appears as if the snow has brought along his not so pretty friend. Sick. I knew it was coming, and today it's here. My head aches and I can't breathe. Coughing, sore throat, sniffling... yuck. Sick sucks.

I've been here less than an hour and I'm already considering going home.

Right now....

There is a cowboy out my window.

You might this that I'm making this up. But it's true.




It's also true that I kept typing winder instead of window. Welcome to hillbilly land.

Jumping...

...on the Love Thursday bandwagon.

Love this week for me is finally (Finally!) moving into our very first home. It's brand spanking new and beautiful. I get that warm, shivery feeling every time I drive up the driveway and walk through the front door.

Ours! It's all ours and I love it!!!

Eeek!

I've not been brave enough to put this not so spectacular excuse for a blog out there for the world to see yet. However, I think that the NaBloPoMo is an awesome idea for someone like me. Someone not so good at posting daily, or even monthly for that matter. So I'm joining in, without joining in. I'm not putting myself out there on the official list, but I'm going to do my very best to blog once a day.

So, Hi! Welcome to If Wishes Were Ponies.... I hope that you can find something in my writing to entertain you a little bit and maybe keep you coming back.

Or, at the very least, keep you from screaming in terror and running as fast as you can in the other direction.