Blue...

The weather is grey and wet. The fog is laying low over everything this morning and the air has that damp cold feeling that makes it impossible to warm up.

Work is overwhelming. I'm working late most days, it's a non-stop rush to get close to anything finished. I'm stressed.

Even home feels stressful right now. W. wants to go play hockey all weekend this weekend, he wants to go to Vancouver to a hockey game and he wants to go to a tournament in a couple weeks. I hate always saying no, but when he goes places it's hard on me. I try to be trusting, but I can't. I just can't. Also, our home finances suck right now. They really do. There is nothing extra and I know that if he goes to Vancouver, it's a $500 weekend. At least.

Also, it's my birthday and I can't help but feeling unimportant and abandoned if he goes. Like I don't matter.

And one more thing. We're having his relative show up this weekend to say for a while and he's dropping that on me too.

I think I'm depressed. I'm ready for winter to be over. I'm ready for the sun to come out.

I almost blew away

Oh my freaking goodness! When did the WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS get here? I swear, every year time seems to fly by faster and faster. It hardly seems like December's even started, and then, Oh, Hello Christmas. GO AWAY I'M NOT READY FOR YOU YET!

I am so not ready. I have gifts left to buy, I have baking left to do (although keeping in tune with my getting in shape (ha ha ha) strategy, I don't intend to do much baking.

Also, being stranded in the big city for work last week didn't help much. I did manage to start my Christmas shopping, but I wasted a whole night in an airport hotel (a lovely, posh one, mind you) while i waited for the hurricane to cease.

Unfortunately this delay made me miss the funeral of W.'s aunt, which was quite upsetting for me. I had to go to these meetings for work, so I wasn't able to be there for any of it. Part of me is ok with that, but part of me would liked to have at least been there.

She was a lovely lady, although with her problems like anyone else, and she will be missed.

I can't feel my fingers

So there is four days left in November and I have only done 18 posts. That leaves me with 12 more to do. That's 3 per day. Ha Ha Ha Ha.

And now I must go outside in the hateful cold to the hateful gym. Blech. If I hadn't eaten chocolate chip coffee cake for breakfast, I would likely skip it so as to not have to venture outside into the MINUS FREAKING 28 WITH THE WIND CHILL cold cold cold cold cold. Hate Hate Hate Hate. Did I mention the hate? and the wind? and the cold? Oh, and the cold?

Goin' home stupid

So just before lunch today I rubbed my eye. Then I headed out to my car, with the good intentions of going to the gym (remember get healthy month... it's going well thus far). Anyways, my eye felt kind of weird, so I thought to myself, I will put some drops in it once i get to the car. So I hop in, pull down the mirror and stare. The inside corner of my left eye is bright freaking red. I don't know what I did, but now it feels weird, and hurts a little, and it looks TERRIBLE. So I headed off and made an appointment at the walk in clinic to make sure I haven't permanently damaged myself. I am now sitting at my desk, eating my lunch and wearing my sunglasses.

So yeah, I should be going home stupid today.....

Hi, It`s Saturday!!!!

So November, for me, is going to be `Get in Shape` month for me. I know. How boring, you`re thinking. But I need to write it down so that I actually pay attention to myself and get a move on. Literally.

Sunday is the big start day. I don`t know why it`s so hard to start something like this mid-week, but it is. So Sunday`s the big day. I have a hockey game, so that`ll get me out of the house and doing some exercise.

Monday, I`ll do a big grocery shop for lots of healthy veggies and fruit, and make myself stop eating things like tacos and chicken nuggets. Blech. Also, back to the gym, and getting myself and W. out walking in the evening.

It all starts Sunday. So wish me luck. I don`t want to look like a big fat blob in the Christmas pictures....