Blue...

The weather is grey and wet. The fog is laying low over everything this morning and the air has that damp cold feeling that makes it impossible to warm up.

Work is overwhelming. I'm working late most days, it's a non-stop rush to get close to anything finished. I'm stressed.

Even home feels stressful right now. W. wants to go play hockey all weekend this weekend, he wants to go to Vancouver to a hockey game and he wants to go to a tournament in a couple weeks. I hate always saying no, but when he goes places it's hard on me. I try to be trusting, but I can't. I just can't. Also, our home finances suck right now. They really do. There is nothing extra and I know that if he goes to Vancouver, it's a $500 weekend. At least.

Also, it's my birthday and I can't help but feeling unimportant and abandoned if he goes. Like I don't matter.

And one more thing. We're having his relative show up this weekend to say for a while and he's dropping that on me too.

I think I'm depressed. I'm ready for winter to be over. I'm ready for the sun to come out.

Woes

So this being a homeowner business is darn hard on the bank account. Ouchie, says my bank account. W. is not going to be very happy when we don't get to do ANYTHING for the whole rest of the winter because of the distinct lack of money. We really need to get rid of some bills so that we can at least have a bit of extra spending money. After Christmas, we'll be doing some serious bill-paying-off. There won't be choice in THAT matter, that's for sure. I'm going to be getting rid of at least two bills right quick. Even if it means being completely broke for a few months. That'll be an extra 300.00 in our bank accounts every month, that can go right back on some other bills.

Oh, I hate money. Hate it hate it hate it. We make a good living between us, we just need to get that pesky spending under control. I really want to do some horse shows this year and hit OKC in October. Then I guess it might be baby time. Ack. But if we're going to do it, I guess we have to do it soon. We're getting old....

Is it too early for a glass of wine?