The Blahs

I'm reluctant to write about anything too personal on here. I am an intensely private person and there is nothing that makes me more uncomfortable or embarrassed than to have other people know when I am unhappy or stressed or dealing with a problem in my life. I like to present a happy, content front to the world. I like to look strong. I'm not strong. I'm not strong at all.

There are some things going on right now that are making me feel so stressed and so weak on a daily basis. I don't know how to handle it, I don't know what to do and I certainly can't go out and talk to someone about it. I like to keep my life and my problems to myself.

However, this particular problem, one that has reared it's ugly head more than once in the past, is back again. Of course it's W. and back then, it was a upsetting to me, but in the grand scheme of things, not a deal breaker. I guess I should have forced the issue back then.

Even after everything he went through this summer with his health, he's back doing what I'm certain caused the whole problem. I love him too much to leave him now, and he knows it. So instead of quitting for my sake, or for his health's sake, or even for the sake of the family that we hope to have one day, he carries on. With that, comes the lying.

So not only do I have to worry about his health, I can't trust him, I don't believe anything he says and it's a horrible way to live.

It's starting to affect my whole life. I feel sad all the time, I feel stressed all the time, and I don't really know how to fix of it.